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Graceful Tolerance

We’re living in a time of intense polarization among our fellow Americans. There are those that have such a passion for their beliefs, they do not allow others to express anything that may challenge it. In an effort to disqualify opposing views, they may attack or explode with toxic, abusive, and/or destructive behavior. This polarization is not just destroying relationships; it’s destroying our country.

With regard to politics, polarization has increased rapidly over the last 40 years. Meaning, citizens feel more negativity toward the other political party than their own. When people from differing political camps cease to respect each other, it’s much harder to make political compromises and to create good public policy.

In recent years, it seems that the divide reaches far beyond political opinions. Some people may be easily offended by others, with an insecure and unhealthy bias that is based on their own belief system.  With easy access to the internet and groups of various affiliation, it is quite easy to surround yourself with like minds, whether right or wrong.

Yet tolerance is the amazing quality of allowing others to do or believe what they want to do/believe, even if you do not agree with it. It is fair and objective. It does not judge nor condemn. Being tolerant of others is a moral virtue and a behavior we should all seek to characterize. Even further is acceptance, embracing and celebrating the differences of others.

When we tolerate the actions and beliefs of others, we are giving them grace, and giving grace to others is God’s will for us. With unconditional acceptance, we open the door to more wisdom, more peace, and more love. With grace, we provide the opportunity to learn from those with opposing views. And although we may believe that our way is the right way, given our humanistic capacity, we often fall short. We may seek to influence others with our own beliefs and maybe even change their minds, however, we need not fix our countenance on making it so.

Expressing tolerance for others can be beneficial for all involved. According to Psychology Today, showing tolerance to others allows them to learn from their consequences in their own time and find their way without trying to control them.

Ways to help you to tolerate others:

  1. Seek to understand their position
  2. Empathize with their beliefs
  3. Place emphasis on your similarities and ignore the differences
  4. Accept that uncertainty is ok
  5. Review your own beliefs, where they were derived, and whether valid

When you feel challenged with tolerance, check yourself first. Evaluate your thoughts and make sure that you are reacting from a healthy place. When your state of mind is disturbed by another, your ego may want to retaliate. Do not let it. Show patience with others by understanding that you yourself have likely, at some point, disturbed the peace of another. Whatever your surroundings may provide, you can always choose to grace with tolerance.

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The Blessing in Reconciliation

It is not unusual for people to drift in and out of our lives. They may stay for a season; they may stay for our lifetime; but there’s one thing I know for sure, divine appointments happen for a reason. They can be a blessing or a lesson.

It is also not unusual to find yourself in conflict with someone you care or cared about. We all carry emotional baggage that can trigger us or someone else. There can be misunderstanding, hurt or neglect that causes significant damage. As unfortunate as it may be, it’s possible for a conflict to affect a relationship so badly that it causes a separation. Forgiveness and reconciliation may seem impossible.

Scarlett shared a story about her dad with “Love What Matters.” He was an addict and died of an overdose in 2018. Their relationship had been difficult. Scarlett often found herself angry at him, angry at his comments, angry at his inability to do life, angry at his drunkenness and homelessness. Although she loved him, she frequently found herself embarrassed by him. Now that he is gone though, there is no chance of a healthy reconciliation. She is still angry, but she is angry at herself. She’s mad that she let her inability to forgive him affect the relationship. She says, “give forgiveness, because my regret over withholding it is stronger than all the anger I felt throughout the years. I forgave too late.”

Sometimes in life we have to choose between doing what’s easy and doing what’s right. Mending fences may not seem easy, but it may indeed be the right thing to do. The path to mending these vial connections starts with a foundation of forgiveness and a genuine desire for reconciliation. When we take the time to understand others and what they have been through, it may be possible that nothing is unforgivable.

Obstacles to forgiveness:

Pride – So long as you are hurt, you may feel that you are better than the person who hurt you.

Shame – You will need to come to terms with what happened.

Seeking vengeance – Retaliation is rarely noble and often unnecessary.

Clinging to being a victim – do you feel special status with being a victim?

In reality, to reconcile means to forgive, and to forgive means to let go of resentment and anger. For your part, take a look at your responsibility in the separation, if any. If self-forgiveness is needed, give yourself that gift. Empathy and compassion are great tools. Empathy helps you to understand another and compassion encourages you to take the action needed to reduce suffering.

Don’t wait until it is too late to reconcile a relationship. You can take action now. Release the negative emotions, forgive them, and reach out. Do what you know to be right, and don’t be a Scarlett.

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The Passion in Compassion

In 1995 Christopher Reeve became paralyzed from the neck down following a horse-riding accident.  He landed on his head, suffering a cervical spinal injury after shattering his first and second vertebrae. From that point on, Christopher was dependent on a wheelchair for mobility and a respirator for breathing. His wife Dana is known for her compassionate caregiving and support of her husband, post tragedy.

While compassion and empathy both refer to a caring response to someone’s distress, compassion can lead to action. For example, Dana’s compassion for her husband’s fate invoked a passion to care for him. Compassion creates space to suffer along with others, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate that suffering.

With bible translation, compassion means to have mercy, to feel sympathy and to have pity. In his letter to the Ephesians, Paul directs them to “be kind to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

How can we show compassion for others?

First we must see, acknowledge, and feel the suffering of others. As we seek to make the world a better place, we can be motivated to improve the lives of others, to give what is needed, to show humility and the light of humanity. We can speak kindly and softly, advocate on other’s behalf, and offer resources, while showing empathy to their strife.

We were not created to live on an island. We are meant to live in harmony with others. The gift(s) you give to others can never be taken away. It becomes part of your and their history, withstanding all aspects of time. What does it cost you to be kind? If you find yourself in a place of abundance, look to share it with someone less fortunate. It’s really a win-win. Associate with the difficulties of others, honor and respect where they are, and give what you can, whether it be time, service, or money. You can lift up another, and with that true and honest compassion, lift yourself.

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Trusting

Trust:  A firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.

The term ‘trust’ can be used to describe a belief in the truth of an object, for example, “I believe that the rope bridge is safe, therefore I will venture across it.” Yet more often, the term is used in the context of a relationship. To trust in someone is to rely on their integrity and a belief that what they communicate through words and deeds is indeed true.

In the initial stages of a relationship, you don’t really know the person yet, so there could be no trust, or you may trust not so much based on their words or behavior, but rather on your personal bias towards others. For example, if you have not been betrayed in the past, you may be more likely to trust quickly. There are no rules that outline how long it should take to trust. Trusting may be more about the personalities involved than about any allotted timeframe. No matter the circumstance, the trust of others should never be abused or taken for granted.

Trusting in the ways of life is easy when things appear in flow, but to trust when your life is falling apart, that takes a great deal of faith. When life is challenging, and you feel that you have no one to turn to, know that you always have someone in your corner. Someone who will have your back, who will listen with empathy and guide with compassion. Our God is trustworthy and steady. Seek out his wisdom and spend some quiet time listening for his guidance.

The truth is, God is everywhere. He is on the mountain top and he is in the valley. He is in the sunshine and in the rain. He is in the cries of the newborn, and the smiles of the elderly. Know that you are here for a reason and whether you are on the mountain or in the valley, God is with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you. He hears your prayers and understands you heart. Trust in his will for you. Trust in his timing.

As you trust in him, be yourself trustworthy. There is a saying that states, “Trust takes years to build, seconds to break, and forever to repair.” We may not have the ability to control the words and deeds of others, but we can be a person of integrity ourselves. We can be an example of truth to others. We can proclaim our truth and live by it.

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The Art of Grieving

WHAT IS GRIEVING?
Grief is an emotion that everyone will likely experience at some point in their life. It can be expressed as mental suffering due to the loss of someone or something. The expanse of the grief that might be felt can vary from person to person and also with respect to the actual event. For example, two people may both lose their jobs from the same employer at the same time, yet one may experience more grief as a result. Everyone’s walk is different yet there are strategies that may be helpful to all.


1)      ACKNOWLEDGE THE PAIN: Hiding your emotions, avoiding the feeling of pain or loss can only prolong the process of grieving. Sit with them. Although we may be wired to run from pain, this natural instinct cannot lead us to a place of healing. Accept the event or loss. Tell yourself, “Yes, I recognize, understand, and accept that this event happened to me and I feel _____.”
2)      LABEL THE EMOTION(S): Investigate your feelings at a deeper level. You labeled a feeling in step one. Are there more? Has the event left you feeling shame, guilt, anger, sadness, fear, worry, rejection, envy, hopelessness, distress, sorrow, disappointment? With introspection, you are likely to uncover more than one feeling or emotion tied to the occurrence. The more of them that you can acknowledge and label, the more hope you will have in healing them.
3)      HAVE INTENTION: At some point, you will decide that it is time to end the grieving process. You will be ready to be done with it and move on. When you are, say to yourself several times a day, “I intend to express and release this emotion (feeling) from my body.”
4)      EXPRESS THE PAIN: Studies have shown that negative emotions actually weaken the body. Suppressing them utilizes high amounts of energy, robbing our bodies of useful, vital function. There are several safe methods that one might use to express negative emotion.
a.       Exercise: Physical movement provides for elimination of physical, emotional and mental toxins while triggering the release of endorphins that make you feel good. Exercise need not be taxing. Walking near moving water can be especially soothing.
b.      Writing: Journaling allows you to tune in to your true feelings. It has no impact on others and allows you to express yourself in a safe environment. Start with a description of the event, then turn your focus from the external to the internal. Express your feelings with as much detail and fullness as possible. And if you choose to write a letter to someone else, it is a means of catharsis, whether you ever actually deliver it.
c.       Art therapy: Art therapy has been very useful for the expression of feelings in children. There is no reason why it could not be equally useful in adults. Create a sketch of what you are feeling. It need not be museum quality. Only you need see it. Freedom of expression and self exploration is the key.
d.      Verbal Expression: You can confide in a close friend or relative. Just be mindful that this form of expression may challenge the relationship over time. Another option might be to acquire the service of a therapist, counselor or wellness coach. Feeling safe to express yourself honestly and without judgment is critical. As crazy as it might sound, talking to yourself in the mirror may also be helpful.
e.      Aggressive Expression: This may sound a bit strange but I have found screaming to be quite helpful for expressing my emotions. You can find a remote area, put your hands over your ears and just let it rip. Screaming into a pillow may also work. Just don’t try it in a confined space, like your car, it is damaging to the ears. You might also consider breaking something, something of little value of course.
f.        Music Therapy: You could say that emotions resonate at a certain energy level or vibration. For example, hopefulness resonates at a much higher vibration than hopelessness. There may be a certain type of music that you are drawn to during the grieving process. Music that aligns with your energy. Music can be very healing. Continue to seek out music that makes you feel good during your journey.
5)      RELEASE THE PAIN: Releasing the pain is similar to expression yet one step further along our path. When we are ready to release, we understand that the grieving process has served its purpose. It no longer serves us and we are willing to let it go. Do not place judgment on yourself or others with regard to the timing of this step. There is no right or wrong, no pre-set timeline when it comes to grief. You will know when you are ready.
a.       Breath work: Sit or lie flat in a quiet, comfortable location. Breathe gently through the nose while placing attention on the heart. Imagine that with each inhale you are taking in grace, love, and acceptance. With each exhale, imagine that you are releasing those negative emotions that no longer serve you. Continue with these deep, long, slow inhalations and exhalations for a minimum of 10 minutes. Breath work is especially helpful when done outdoors in the “fresh” air.
b.      Meditation: Meditation has been shown to improve psychological balance and enhance overall health and well-being. Sit or lie comfortably and focus your attention on the breath. Try to clear your mind of any thoughts and just focus on your breathing. Counting each breath, counting during each breath, or humming might be helpful. Try to stay in this space for a minimum of twenty minutes. You may find that after practicing mediation, certain insights become more apparent.
c.       Laughter Therapy: You will reach a point when you are ready to laugh again. Laughter therapy promotes overall health and wellness by relieving emotional stress. It can lift the heavy burden of loss and provide a welcomed respite. In fact, I know of a woman who believes she successfully treated her cancer by watching comedies on TV. Laughter is not only a form of expression, it is a form of healing. Give yourself permission to laugh.
d.      Emotional Freedom technique (EFT): This is a wonderful technique that utilizes the combination of talk therapy and acupuncture meridians. You basically say out loud, “Although I feel ____, I love and accept myself.” And you say this while tapping through several acupuncture points. You can find specific guidance if you search this topic on-line.

Grieving is a process and everyone’s journey is different. Feeling uncomfortable with someone else’s journey through grief is normal, but placing a deadline or judgment on someone else is unhelpful. Each of us needs to set our own pace. With respect to you, allow yourself to feel your feelings and walk through the stages of expression and release. You need not feel alone during the process. Don’t be afraid to reach out to others for love, comfort and acceptance. But always keep in mind that ultimately, total acceptance can only be found in self. Find the good in your situation, bless the event for what it provided, then release it and move forward into the light of your grace.
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Spirit of Thanksgiving

As Thanksgiving Day approaches here in the US, it’s a time to give thanks to the people, circumstances, and gifts in our lives. As a fun way to illicit that spirit of thanksgiving in others, we can provide a gift to someone or to a community in need. May the following testimony open your heart and warm your soul.

“To the man in line behind me at the Gainesville Target, who saw that after hitting my grocery budget limit, I decided to put back my pumpkin spice candle and the cosmetics that I had picked out…

You didn’t know that I always save my stuff for last and usually end up putting it back.

You didn’t know that the two fussy kids that I had with me were only two out of four.

You didn’t know that I have postpartum depression from the youngest babe and that I use scent as a way to boost my mood.

You didn’t know that this week has been full of sick kids, parent-teacher conferences, and emergency dental visits and I was so looking forward to lighting that candle at nap time and just taking a minute to relax.

Even without knowing that, you saw me…  You saw me as a human, not just the mom in front of you that was distracted and going too slow. You heard me say that I’d like to put those items back and you said no, you would be getting them for me.”

This commentary, courtesy of “Love What Matters,” speaks to the challenges faced by those around us. It could be a person you failed to see because you were caught up in your own world, your own thoughts, your own purpose. We all struggle at times, but just remember, there is always someone struggling more. Always be kind, you never know what someone is going through. Take a moment when you are about your errands, to be situationally aware. Look for those opportunities to bless others. The returns are 10 fold, and in doing so, you also bless yourself.

In a bigger picture, the In the Spirit of Love Foundation is a nonprofit 501(c)3 organization founded to help those in need. Each person is naturally born with a Spirit of Love. The foundations mission is to encourage each heart to live that Love. We are always looking to expand our reach thru hearts across the world who want to make a difference. Where there is great love, there is always miracles.

https://www.instagram.com/reel/ChIRsmhpNjc/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

The hungry children of Uganda, are but a fraction of those in need. Everyone is made to LOVE and be LOVED – Make a decision to LOVE others unconditionally. Don’t LOVE based on how someone treats you or how they look, simply just LOVE period! Challenge yourself to LOVE others because it is in your heart … it is who you are! When you let LOVE lead, you will be amazed at just how many miracles come through your acts of kindness. We thank you for your generosity and look forward to continuing with our mission through the tax deductible goodness of others.

You may go here to donate to the cause of love, with an option to designate the proceeds as you please.

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Be The Change This World Needs

You can make a difference in making this world a better place. Many people don’t even try because it seems so overwhelming. But imagine if each person acted in kindness, extended a helping hand and cared for others. What a wonderful world it would be!

A couple of fun kindness health facts from Dartmouth.edu:

“Kindness is contagious! The positive effects of kindness are experienced in the brain of everyone who witnessed the act, improving their mood and making them significantly more likely to “pay it forward.” This means one good deed in a crowded area can create a domino effect and improve the day of dozens of people!”

And!

Did you know that “Witnessing acts of kindness produces oxytocin, occasionally referred to as the ‘love hormone’ which aids in lowering blood pressure and improving your overall heart-health. Oxytocin also increases our self-esteem and optimism, which is extra helpful when we’re in anxious or shy in a social situation.”

So never underestimate the difference a single act of kindness can make to the one you are helping and those who witnessed your act of kindness. You can change the world one heart at a time. 

Be the Change.

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The Value of Self

We’ve mentioned self-care in other blogs, yet it is so important that we will expand on it here to include self-love. What does it mean to love yourself or to practice self-love? Were you taught that this is a bad thing, that it is selfish, that you should instead be selfless? We should indeed aspire to show love to others but, in reality, the love and acceptance of self is one of the greatest requirements to happiness and long lasting relationships. When the flight attendant tells you to put on your oxygen mask first before assisting another, it is for good reason. You simply cannot take care of (love) another if you cannot take care of (love) yourself primarily.

Research not only points to the benefits of self-love, but it also shows that self-criticism is comparable to self-sabotage. It actually hurts performance, productivity and well-being. Expressing as a people-pleaser, for example, may seem altruistic, but in reality, it’s a call for self-love. It is the needing/wanting of validation from others while ignoring the true value of yourself. It’s chasing after love that already lies within you. The truth is, you are wonderfully made, special, with a history and purpose unique to you. If you believe in your value and honor yourself, you need no other person(s) to shower you with praises. You know your worth.

Perspective is key. How you view your past can directly affect how you value self. Are you hard on yourself for the past experiences that you deem as mistakes? Perhaps mistakes should be redefined as ‘opportunities to learn and grow.’ After all, it is through our mistakes that we find personal growth, learning and meaning. Through mistakes we can determine what we want and don’t want, what we need and don’t need. It may be time to appreciate past ‘mistakes’ as a stepping stone to something greater. Be compassionate with yourself. You are in the process of evolving into something truly magnificent. Life is a process of learning and change. Embrace all that life brings your way. It has and will continue to make you who you are. In the meantime, guard your thoughts about self.

Start keeping track of judgmental thoughts you have about yourself and others. Write them in your journal, then rewrite them with a focus to create a positive counter-thought. Put those positive thoughts on sticky notes and place them in various locations in your environment. Changing your thoughts can have a profound impact on changing your life. Remember that joy is not tied to circumstance. Whatever is going on in your life, rise up and choose joy. Acceptance means never turning your back on yourself. Make a decision today to love and respect yourself. If you don’t, odds are, no one else will. You are, in essence, setting the bar for how others can/will treat you.

“Loving everything about yourself – even the unacceptable – is an act of personal power.

It is the beginning of healing.”

13 steps to achieving self-love:

  1. Stop comparing yourself to others
  2. Don’t worry about others’ opinions
  3. Allow yourself to make mistakes
  4. Remember your value doesn’t lie in how your body looks
  5. Don’t be afraid to let go of toxic people
  6. Process your fears
  7. Trust yourself to make good decisions for yourself
  8. Take every opportunity life presents or create your own goals/dreams
  9. Put yourself first
  10. Feel pain and joy as fully as you can
  11. Exercise boldness in public
  12. See beauty in simple things
  13. Be kind to yourself

Self-love is about accepting what you’ve been through and the choices you’ve made because you now know that you acted on the knowledge and experiences that you had to date, at that time. Sure you have evolved and may be a different person now than you were then. Your today’s choice may be different than yesterday’s choice. This is progress. Don’t be hard on yourself. Self-judgment can be harsh and may not lead to healthy progress. Self-acceptance of all of who you are is a key to self-love. Your journey is different than anyone else’s and the ride you have been on has made you who you are.  Love yourself foremost by accepting all parts of you, mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical. You are so special and you totally got this.

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Care and Share

As a tourist traveling through Europe, it was not unusual to find myself at the mercy of a localite. I could be immobile, physically stuck without the kindness of a stranger. It meant surrendering to the moment and trusting in the outcome that was to be. 

For example, I took a train to Verona Italy, a place made famous by Shakespeare’s “Romeo and Juliet.” At the train station, we needed to take a bus to the hotel; and no, I do not speak Italian. I had done some research and knew what bus number to board. However, bus after bus came and departed, all of the wrong bus number. Finally, I walked around a bus and asked the driver if he went to our hotel. When he said yes, my family and I boarded. It was a very hot day and the bus was tightly packed with people, mostly standing. I then realized that I had no idea where or when to get off the bus and because I could not see the driver, I had little assurance that he would tell me when to step off. I was most definitely in a pickle. It became quite clear that if I did not seek the assistance of a stranger, I would risk spending the rest of my vacation circling Verona. The woman standing next to me did not speak English, but she knew the hotel and was kind enough to hold up the number of fingers representing the number of stops ahead of me, until I reached my destination.

What a blessing it is when someone goes out of their way to be kind. Can you remember a time when someone asked you for help, perhaps asking you for directions to a particular place? Were you eager and willing to help them? Your act of kindness was not just a benefit to them, but also to you. You see, researchers have found that when we show acts of kindness to others, we release oxytocin, which makes us feel happy in the process. Both parties involved with the transaction will experience reduced anxiety due to lower cortisol levels, and a feeling of gratitude for the connection with one another. According to the Mayo Clinic, being good to others boosts serotonin and dopamine levels, the neurotransmitters in the brain that give you feelings of satisfaction and well-being. Random studies have suggested doing acts of kindness to feel happier, more confident, more resilient and more empowered.

So why not bless others without being asked. Showing kindness may create laughter, a chuckle, surely a smile. It begins with the understanding that we all struggle, we all suffer, we all have bad days. When we take a moment to bless a stranger, we create space for them, acceptance, and in doing so, the heaven expands and the angels sing. Why not be the person that brings warmth and value to someone else, with no expectation in return. After all, a candle does not lose its flame when lighting another candle.

“Don’t wait to be kind. Don’t wait for someone else to be kind first. Don’t wait for better circumstances or for someone to change. Just be kind, because you never know how much someone needs it.” Nikki Banas – Walk the Earth

Kindness is always a choice. Scout out the opportunities to bless others with your kindness. And when you do, please tell us the story, Care and Share.

  • why were you moved to do what you did?
  • what exactly did you do?
  • how did the other person respond?
  • How did the act of kindness make you feel?

When you see someone struggling, don’t be the observer, be the blessing. Equally important is sharing the good news. Perhaps we could all use more positive news in our lives. Ultimately, we want these stories to lift others, bringing feelings of encouragement, empowerment, and love for one another.

You can share your story at the In the Spirit of Love website for potential exposure in a future blog:

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Bless you for blessing others…

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Thought Awareness

Your thinking and how you analyze the world around you has evolved, mostly unconsciously, over your lifetime. Your training and experiences have shaped your worldview and because no two people experience the same life, how you think is distinct to you. This is a good reason not to be judgmental of others; you have not lived the same experiences as they have. Their belief system, and yours, will be unique to personal experience.

The average person has up to 60,000 thoughts per day and according to research conducted by the National Science Foundation, 80% of those thoughts could be negative and 95% repetitive. Most people don’t monitor their thoughts in an effort to improved them. If we are not diligent with our thinking, thoughts can easily run amuck, especially when they are habitual. It’s hard to stop a snowball rolling downhill and when you continue to think those habitually negative thoughts long enough, they become a belief.

In order to break the cycle of the negative monkey mind, you must be diligent with identifying those thoughts. You need to basically stalk yourself. Pay attention to the thoughts you think and begin to question the origin, i.e., “where did that thought come from?” Ask yourself if your beliefs are justified and valid. Keep a journal. I have a friend whose father has always been very consistent about telling her how stupid she is. As she began to accept it, the thought became part of her subconscious mind. It soon grew to become a belief, a very harmful belief that is absolutely not true. So every time she tells herself how stupid she is, she needs to correct herself saying something like, “that untrue thought came from my dad. I am smart about many things.” So keep in mind that the negative thoughts you think might not have originated from you but from someone else that has influenced you, and the sooner that you replace those thoughts with a positive thought, the better.

Although thoughts, as well as the stalking of thoughts, can be painful. The practice can teach you a great many things about yourself and those around you. Growth requires self-examination. “Even though you may not actually like the feelings of inner disturbance that may come from asking key questions, you must be able to sit quietly with yourself and face them if you want to see where they come from. Once you can face your disturbances, you will realize that there may be a layer of pain seated deep in the core of your heart. This pain is so uncomfortable, so challenging, and so destructive to the individual self, that your entire life has been spent trying to avoid it. Your entire personality is built upon ways of being, thinking, acting, and believing that were developed to avoid pain. Real growth takes place when you finally decide to deal with the pain.” From The Tethered Soul by Michael A. Singer.

Exercise: Bounce technique

When experiencing a negative thought, bounce it away with a positive thought instead. Simply replace the thought with a better feeling thought. Draw a line down the center of a tablet or piece of paper, creating two columns. When you catch yourself having a negative thought, write it in the left column. Then draw an arrow leading to the right column and re-write the statement in a positive version. This will assist you in shifting your thoughts. Whenever you catch yourself in the left column, replace the thought with the right column. For example:

Words are a byproduct of our thoughts, and words, in themselves, hold a great deal of power. Pay attention to the words you use and how you use them. Never allow yourself to speak unkindly to yourself or about yourself. You may think Self-deprecation to be funny, but is it really? In reality, it’s a way of reprimanding yourself by belittling, undervaluing, or disparaging your identity. Doing so does not honor you. As they say, to thine own self be true. There is nothing in this world that can trouble you as much as your own thoughts. To be in joy, you need to accept yourself in a loving manner. Choose your words carefully and not just when speaking about yourself, but also when speaking about others. It could be said that we receive in return that which we choose to put out into the world, so choose your words and thoughts wisely.

Even so, the seas of life will surely rock your boat at times, but you can choose your response to the storms. You are not the bad feelings nor thoughts that you get in your head. You are not the storms you walk through. You are the person experiencing the storm. The storm may knock you off your feet, but you are strong. You will rise again. Either the weather will change, you will find shelter, or you will look the storm in the eye with resilience and fortitude, because you know that storm cannot hold you back indefinitely. When you can keep a healthy perspective, your wrath exceeds that of any storm, so be mindful of your thoughts and choose wisely.

“No thought lives in your head rent-free. Each thought you have will either be an investment or a cost.” ~ T. Harv Eker