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The Language of Love

Have you ever given someone a gift, never to see them wear it, hang it on the wall, or utilize it in any way?  After my sister was married, I sent off one of her engagement photos and had it replicated to a painting. From the moment I presented it to her and her husband, I never saw it again. I don’t know what she did with it, but it would seem that she never hung it anywhere.

A powerful way to connect with those we love is through the knowledge and use of known love languages. Whether it be a partner, significant other, spouse, or friend, we can meet each other’s emotional need to feel loved by understanding their primary love language. This alone provides a priceless advantage. You may also find it very helpful to evaluate and acknowledge your own key love language(s).

According to author Gary Chapman, the author of “The 5 Love Language,” there are five expressions of love and the one that makes you feel most loved may be different than someone else’s. For example, I have a friend whose primary love language is indeed gifts. To give her a gift, provides her with a profound feeling of being loved. For myself, gifts do not provide me with that feeling. When someone provides to me an act of service, it could be anything, I feel truly loved. Here is a more comprehensive list of Gary’s 5 love languages:

Words of Affirmation

This would be the use of verbal compliments or words of appreciation. For example, “I love how you helped me clean up the kitchen after dinner.” We may often think these thoughts, but to those who feel deeply loved by affirmation, it can be meaningful and imperative to express it.

Quality Time

This is about giving someone your undivided attention and being attentive to them. Intimacy doesn’t just happen in the bedroom. It’s about spending time alone together in an atmosphere of communication, focused attention, eye contact, and respect. Spending daily time in healthy communication should be considered a minimum daily requirement. If quality time is primary to you or your partner, plan quality activities of mutual interest.

Acts of Service

By physically serving another, doing the things that you know they would like you to do, you can provide a profound expression of love to them. If you know this to be your partner’s primary love language, seek to do what you can to reduce their load. Make a list if it helps. Acts of service should not feel forced, but should be done out of love. Requests give direction to love, however, demands can stop the flow of love. Examples include cleaning, cooking, making beds, fixing things, and running errands.

Receiving Gifts

The long history of the giving of gifts is a cultural pattern which has intrigued anthropologists. Gifts are a visual symbol of love and a part of many modern day rituals. These gifts can be purchased, found, or made. If this is your partner’s primary love language, you may have to change your attitude toward spending money, but creativity can go a long way.

Physical Touch

There is great power in physical touch. Holding hands, kissing, embracing, and sexual intercourse are all ways of communicating emotional love to one another. Physical touch is not limited to one localized area of the body, but some areas will be more sensitive than others. Light touches of love require little time, but much thought. If a primary need, expression through touch is only limited by the imagination.

Having a different primary love language than your partner may feel awkward at first to feed, but without knowledge you will continue to stumble. I would encourage, if you have not done so, that you and your partner do a questionnaire to understand what makes you each feel truly loved. Just web search the love languages quiz.

I sincerely believe that understanding your partner more fully can only enhance your relationship. What you learn can also be transferred to other relationships, including friendships. Providing someone with the feeling of being loved is a gift of ultimate value.

People who love each other fully and truly are the happiest people in the world. They may have little, they may have nothing, but they are happy people. Everything depends on how we love one another.

~ Mother Teresa

Regerence: Chapman, Gary (2010). The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts (3rd Edition). Northfield Publishing.

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Dare to Imagine

Albert Einstein conceived imagination as limitless when he said, “imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world.”

Imagination can provide a sense of freedom, an escape from the melancholy and the drudgery of life. It provides mental images of possibilities resulting from feelings and past experience. Setting goals is more helpful when we can imagine reaching them. For example, when we are driven to document corporate merit goals tied to not only performance, but also pay, we use the SMART system and choose goals that we deem as achievable. We imagine what we can achieve.

As Einstein eludes, the ability for humans to imagine is virtually unlimited. In addition to arbitrary escape, we use it when we daydream, to relieve stress, to heal, and also when we plan. Those that are most creative, like artists and writers, embrace imagination as a catalyst to invention. You can also witness boundless imagination in films produced for children.

Ways to harness the power of imagination:

  • Watch a fantasy or children’s film
  • Practice ‘Safe Place’ visualization meditation technique
  • Use the’ Lightstream Technique’ for trauma
  • Start your day by imagining the best possible scenario for that day
  • Utilize evocative imagery to overcome upcoming challenges
  • Experience safe and responsible experimentation in daily tasks/events
  • Practice ‘thought diffusion’ by imagining negative thoughts taking the form of shifting objects

Because your brain is challenged to differentiate real happenings from imagined happenings, imagination can be very powerful. You can use it to heal from the past, to create positive emotions in the present, and to embrace future encouraging outcomes.

The power is in your hands, or should I say, in your mind. Consider the use of imagination to capture the positive and diffuse the negative. Limitation is no excuse…

References: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-flourishing-family/202006/harnessing-the-power-imaginationhttps://advice.theshineapp.com/articles/how-your-imagination-can-help-you-feel-more-positive/

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Cultivating Self-Discipline

Self-discipline is the ability to control your behavior in a way that leads you to be more productive, have better habits and achieve positive results. The key, some might say, is in the control. Our ability to control our thoughts, feelings, and behavior is a catalyst to self-discipline. In addition, there seems a direct correlation between self-discipline and societal success. The world glorifies those deemed successful. So how can we cultivate self-discipline and transport ourselves into our own personal success story?

  • WHAT IS YOUR END GAME? Take some time to develop a realistic and achievable goal. Write it clearly with specific language and intent.
  • SET REALISTIC MILESTONES. Break down your goal in individual units or tasks. What does the completed task look like and what is the most effective timeline to achieve it? Make sure to post specific dates or the planned duration for each task.
  • EVALUATE MILESTONES. Set appropriate time(s) to analyze the milestone that you are current in the process of achieving. Are you putting in the time and effort needed to achieve the milestone as planned? If not, what can you do to adjust your effort? Make those adjustments as needed.
  • STAY THE COURSE. All great athletes started somewhere. It is guaranteed that they were not an overnight success. Self-discipline requires a motivation to success and the perseverance or patience to continue moving forward through any challenges that might arise.

Self-discipline can be helpful in all areas of life, how you eat, exercise, work, play, and love. If you can master it in one area of your life, you can transform that blueprint to other areas as well. There are many books available to assist with attaining and maintaining discipline and self-control.

Distraction will surely take you off course. If you find yourself distracted, your mind is seeking an escape from the task at hand. To reduce the risk of distraction, manage your time and stick to a schedule. Remind yourself as distracting thoughts arise, that they can be addressed later, when you have completed the needed task at hand. Stay focused until the task is complete.

When you choose to purse your goals with intention and perseverance, you build something better for yourself, you build success.