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Loving Life: A Journey to Joy

This summer, I found myself on a hiking trail on the breathtaking Colorado Plateau. As I reached a clearing, the view unfolded like a painting—rocky cliffs kissed by the sun, wildflowers dancing in the breeze, and a crystal-clear river reflecting the sky. In that moment, I felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude wash over me. It was a reminder that life is not just about the big milestones but also about savoring the small moments that fill our days with joy.

Loving life is often about perspective. Take the story of Maya, she turned her morning commute into a ritual of joy. Rather than dreading the crowded subway, she started bringing her favorite book along. Each ride transformed into an escape, a little adventure in the midst of her busy routine. She discovered that joy could be found in the simplest of actions, like flipping the pages of a novel or observing the world through the window. This shift in mindset not only made her commute bearable but also sparked a love for reading that she hadn’t tapped into before.

Then there’s the case of Mark, who decided to embrace spontaneity. Tired of the monotony of his daily grind, he began saying “yes” to every invitation and opportunity that came his way. This simple change led him to join a salsa class, try his hand at pottery, and even go skydiving. Each new experience not only expanded his horizons but also brought him a sense of exhilaration that reignited his passion for life.

Loving life also involves cherishing the people around us. A simple family dinner can become a cherished memory when filled with laughter and stories. Last month, at a potluck with friends, everyone brought a dish that held a special meaning. As we shared food and memories, the evening turned into a celebration of our lives—our dreams, our challenges, and the beauty of our connections.

Ultimately, loving life is about cultivating gratitude, embracing spontaneity, and nurturing relationships. It’s about finding joy in the mundane and turning ordinary moments into extraordinary memories. As we navigate our journeys, let’s remember that life is a tapestry woven from these experiences. By choosing to love and appreciate every thread, we can create a rich and fulfilling existence. So, take a moment today to pause, breathe, and embrace the beauty of life all around you. You might just discover that love for life was waiting for you all along.

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The Language of Love

Have you ever given someone a gift, never to see them wear it, hang it on the wall, or utilize it in any way?  After my sister was married, I sent off one of her engagement photos and had it replicated to a painting. From the moment I presented it to her and her husband, I never saw it again. I don’t know what she did with it, but it would seem that she never hung it anywhere.

A powerful way to connect with those we love is through the knowledge and use of known love languages. Whether it be a partner, significant other, spouse, or friend, we can meet each other’s emotional need to feel loved by understanding their primary love language. This alone provides a priceless advantage. You may also find it very helpful to evaluate and acknowledge your own key love language(s).

According to author Gary Chapman, the author of “The 5 Love Language,” there are five expressions of love and the one that makes you feel most loved may be different than someone else’s. For example, I have a friend whose primary love language is indeed gifts. To give her a gift, provides her with a profound feeling of being loved. For myself, gifts do not provide me with that feeling. When someone provides to me an act of service, it could be anything, I feel truly loved. Here is a more comprehensive list of Gary’s 5 love languages:

Words of Affirmation

This would be the use of verbal compliments or words of appreciation. For example, “I love how you helped me clean up the kitchen after dinner.” We may often think these thoughts, but to those who feel deeply loved by affirmation, it can be meaningful and imperative to express it.

Quality Time

This is about giving someone your undivided attention and being attentive to them. Intimacy doesn’t just happen in the bedroom. It’s about spending time alone together in an atmosphere of communication, focused attention, eye contact, and respect. Spending daily time in healthy communication should be considered a minimum daily requirement. If quality time is primary to you or your partner, plan quality activities of mutual interest.

Acts of Service

By physically serving another, doing the things that you know they would like you to do, you can provide a profound expression of love to them. If you know this to be your partner’s primary love language, seek to do what you can to reduce their load. Make a list if it helps. Acts of service should not feel forced, but should be done out of love. Requests give direction to love, however, demands can stop the flow of love. Examples include cleaning, cooking, making beds, fixing things, and running errands.

Receiving Gifts

The long history of the giving of gifts is a cultural pattern which has intrigued anthropologists. Gifts are a visual symbol of love and a part of many modern day rituals. These gifts can be purchased, found, or made. If this is your partner’s primary love language, you may have to change your attitude toward spending money, but creativity can go a long way.

Physical Touch

There is great power in physical touch. Holding hands, kissing, embracing, and sexual intercourse are all ways of communicating emotional love to one another. Physical touch is not limited to one localized area of the body, but some areas will be more sensitive than others. Light touches of love require little time, but much thought. If a primary need, expression through touch is only limited by the imagination.

Having a different primary love language than your partner may feel awkward at first to feed, but without knowledge you will continue to stumble. I would encourage, if you have not done so, that you and your partner do a questionnaire to understand what makes you each feel truly loved. Just web search the love languages quiz.

I sincerely believe that understanding your partner more fully can only enhance your relationship. What you learn can also be transferred to other relationships, including friendships. Providing someone with the feeling of being loved is a gift of ultimate value.

People who love each other fully and truly are the happiest people in the world. They may have little, they may have nothing, but they are happy people. Everything depends on how we love one another.

~ Mother Teresa

Regerence: Chapman, Gary (2010). The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts (3rd Edition). Northfield Publishing.

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Gathering together

It would seem that we are wired to gather together with others. According to Priya Parker, author of The Art of Gathering, we are living in a period of time when coming together is more important than ever. Let’s explore why and when we gather.

Prehistoric hunter-gatherers often lived in groups of a few dozen people, consisting of several family units. There was diversity in an organized living space, allowing for the sharing of workload with a probable social network structure. With the prospect of various group configurations, there was an allowance to share, for example, large amounts of meat, when acquired, with other groups of neighboring communities. This provided sustenance, but also minimized waste. The concept of gathering also lays a foundation for language. Not needed when alone, the use of language allows for discussion regarding various important topics like hunting or child rearing strategies.

Communal living is still practiced today. It provides the opportunity to live in your own private space yet be part of a family. It may be practiced for financial reasons, for the social benefits, or to co-habitat with those of similar beliefs. Coexisting with others can be a treasure whereby fundamental needs are met, with a feeling of comfort and belonging.

In what ways do we, can we, gather together?

Conferences: As is said, iron sharpens iron. When we come together with a shared purpose to learn and grow, by sharpening each other’s blade, we become more effective tools. We can learn new skills from others while sharing our own.

Weddings: We can have a deeper sense of significance with key milestone moments when we gather in a symbolic ritual. There is some accountability when a couple makes promises to one another in the presence of witnesses. The ceremony represents the coming together of two families to support and hold the couple accountable for those promises to one another. It is a celebration of their bonded life together.

Funerals: This type of gathering provides a path for the processing of grief. Mourners have an opportunity to process the reality of what has happened. They can share memories of their loved one, while saying goodbye to that physical presence in their life. Sharing these aspects with others who may feel similarly, can be cathartic and healing. We can find comfort in this group setting.

Worship: Genesis 2:18 states God’s intent that we not be alone. As we engage in worship, we can encourage and be an inspiration to others. Non-believers can be influenced by love and good works. Mathew 18:20 says that where two or three are gathered in Jesus’ name, he will be with them. This supports the idea of a community of believers, not necessarily a building or institution.

Meals: It is a cultural custom to gather together around food. There seems significance in the breaking of bread together. Eating can be the most satisfying and joyful time of day. Why not share it with others? Not only does eating together create meaningful time, but studies show that not eating together has quantifiably negative effects on both physical and psychological well-being.

That are many ways to gather with others, both physically and virtually. Although we tend to gather with those that support us and our belief system, never underestimate the power of divine appointments. If you find yourself in an uncomfortable group setting, try to see the big picture. What good might come of it?

If you are feeling lonely, seek out groups and/or activities to provide the opportunity to gather with others. Share your light. Being willing and able to commune with others can provide perspective, cultivate inspiration, ease your burdens, and bring great joy.

References:

https://www.worldhistory.org/article/991/prehistoric-hunter-gatherer-societies

What is Communal Living?
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Graceful Tolerance

We’re living in a time of intense polarization among our fellow Americans. There are those that have such a passion for their beliefs, they do not allow others to express anything that may challenge it. In an effort to disqualify opposing views, they may attack or explode with toxic, abusive, and/or destructive behavior. This polarization is not just destroying relationships; it’s destroying our country.

With regard to politics, polarization has increased rapidly over the last 40 years. Meaning, citizens feel more negativity toward the other political party than their own. When people from differing political camps cease to respect each other, it’s much harder to make political compromises and to create good public policy.

In recent years, it seems that the divide reaches far beyond political opinions. Some people may be easily offended by others, with an insecure and unhealthy bias that is based on their own belief system.  With easy access to the internet and groups of various affiliation, it is quite easy to surround yourself with like minds, whether right or wrong.

Yet tolerance is the amazing quality of allowing others to do or believe what they want to do/believe, even if you do not agree with it. It is fair and objective. It does not judge nor condemn. Being tolerant of others is a moral virtue and a behavior we should all seek to characterize. Even further is acceptance, embracing and celebrating the differences of others.

When we tolerate the actions and beliefs of others, we are giving them grace, and giving grace to others is God’s will for us. With unconditional acceptance, we open the door to more wisdom, more peace, and more love. With grace, we provide the opportunity to learn from those with opposing views. And although we may believe that our way is the right way, given our humanistic capacity, we often fall short. We may seek to influence others with our own beliefs and maybe even change their minds, however, we need not fix our countenance on making it so.

Expressing tolerance for others can be beneficial for all involved. According to Psychology Today, showing tolerance to others allows them to learn from their consequences in their own time and find their way without trying to control them.

Ways to help you to tolerate others:

  1. Seek to understand their position
  2. Empathize with their beliefs
  3. Place emphasis on your similarities and ignore the differences
  4. Accept that uncertainty is ok
  5. Review your own beliefs, where they were derived, and whether valid

When you feel challenged with tolerance, check yourself first. Evaluate your thoughts and make sure that you are reacting from a healthy place. When your state of mind is disturbed by another, your ego may want to retaliate. Do not let it. Show patience with others by understanding that you yourself have likely, at some point, disturbed the peace of another. Whatever your surroundings may provide, you can always choose to grace with tolerance.

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Redemption

The term redemption can have many meanings. It is an act of buying back something sold, delivering someone from captivity, or saving someone from sin.

Reference to the second definition can be found in the movie Shawshank redemption. The lead character in the move is sent to prison for the murder of his wife and her lover. During the trial and even after incarceration, he continued to proclaim his innocence. He made good use of his time in prison (20 years) by helping others. He expanded the prison library, coached others to attain their GED, and was a finance guru to those in authority. When he finally escaped the inept justice system, he revealed the corruption and began a new life in Mexico with proceeds skimmed from his financial assistance to others. The title of the movie emphasizes his delivery from captivity.

Are you yearning for redemption? Is there a situation or trial in your life that is making you feel trapped or captive to it? Perhaps it is a job, or a relationship. Take some time to evaluate the situation and examine your options. Try to move forward with action in the most practical manner. Consider seeking an objective perspective from someone you trust. Understand that your circumstances, whatever they may be, are not forever. Change is the only permanent aspect of life. This too shall pass. Have faith, hope, trust, and the courage to keep your focus on what is best for you.

According to Encyclopedia.com, Christian theology defines redemption as God’s deliverance of mankind form the evil of sin and His restoration of man to the state of grace by an act of divine power and merciful love. It is a fulfillment of Christ and a representation of both forgiveness and salvation. It is a gift to all and deserving of all. We cannot accomplish spiritual redemption in and of our own strength.

There are many verses in the bible that address redemption. Romans 3:24 says, “all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.” Ephesians 2:8 says, “For it is by grace you have been saved through faith, and this not from yourselves; it is the gift of God. Jesus talked a great deal about faith, a catalyst for grace, leading to redemption.

It is in the spirit of love, that Jesus has paid the ransom, releasing us from sin and providing us with everlasting life. Know that you are worthy to accept his gift of love. As we surrender to his will in our life, we embrace his tender mercy.

“The doctrine of grace and redemption keeps us from seeing any person or situation as hopeless.”

~ Timothy Keller

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The Spirit of Offense

Have you ever been offended by something someone said or did? According to the dictionary, to be offended means to feel or express hurt, indignation, or irritation because of a perceived wrong or insult. The key word in this definition may be “perceived.” The bible says, “Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.”

According to Psychology Today, there is an epidemic of offense spreading faster than Ebola. With world events and politics so easily shared on social media, people are quick to judge and are also intolerant of any view that might differ from their own. While it is possible to take offense to rude language, for example, people will often take offense to what was meant or implied, rather than what was actually said. This happens when we are triggered by what is said or done. We are triggered because we choose to identify with it, perhaps due to a past hurt that has not been healed. This often leads to reaction.

The spirit of offense is subjective. Which means ill feelings may be more about the offended than the offender. What incites a reaction in one person may not affect another, and although we may have many reasons to be offended, should we be? Perhaps the spirit of offense is optional, a choice.

If you find yourself in a situation that offends you, pause before reacting. Take a moment to do a self-check. Ask yourself if your feelings are justified and if your response is due to a past hurt. Reacting, in turn, in a way that is hurtful is not the answer. Seek first to understand the other’s position and perception, then you may choose to foster a heart to heart discussion to calm the waters.

Taking unnecessary offense to another, can destroy a relationship and lead to misunderstanding. Overcoming the spirt of offense is possible. We can make sure that our expectations of others are realistic, acknowledge and heal our wounded spirit, and never assume negative intent of another.

Even if the spirit of offense feels justified, you can always go another route. You can take the high road, and keep your peace.

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Cultivating Self-Discipline

Self-discipline is the ability to control your behavior in a way that leads you to be more productive, have better habits and achieve positive results. The key, some might say, is in the control. Our ability to control our thoughts, feelings, and behavior is a catalyst to self-discipline. In addition, there seems a direct correlation between self-discipline and societal success. The world glorifies those deemed successful. So how can we cultivate self-discipline and transport ourselves into our own personal success story?

  • WHAT IS YOUR END GAME? Take some time to develop a realistic and achievable goal. Write it clearly with specific language and intent.
  • SET REALISTIC MILESTONES. Break down your goal in individual units or tasks. What does the completed task look like and what is the most effective timeline to achieve it? Make sure to post specific dates or the planned duration for each task.
  • EVALUATE MILESTONES. Set appropriate time(s) to analyze the milestone that you are current in the process of achieving. Are you putting in the time and effort needed to achieve the milestone as planned? If not, what can you do to adjust your effort? Make those adjustments as needed.
  • STAY THE COURSE. All great athletes started somewhere. It is guaranteed that they were not an overnight success. Self-discipline requires a motivation to success and the perseverance or patience to continue moving forward through any challenges that might arise.

Self-discipline can be helpful in all areas of life, how you eat, exercise, work, play, and love. If you can master it in one area of your life, you can transform that blueprint to other areas as well. There are many books available to assist with attaining and maintaining discipline and self-control.

Distraction will surely take you off course. If you find yourself distracted, your mind is seeking an escape from the task at hand. To reduce the risk of distraction, manage your time and stick to a schedule. Remind yourself as distracting thoughts arise, that they can be addressed later, when you have completed the needed task at hand. Stay focused until the task is complete.

When you choose to purse your goals with intention and perseverance, you build something better for yourself, you build success.

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The Passion in Compassion

In 1995 Christopher Reeve became paralyzed from the neck down following a horse-riding accident.  He landed on his head, suffering a cervical spinal injury after shattering his first and second vertebrae. From that point on, Christopher was dependent on a wheelchair for mobility and a respirator for breathing. His wife Dana is known for her compassionate caregiving and support of her husband, post tragedy.

While compassion and empathy both refer to a caring response to someone’s distress, compassion can lead to action. For example, Dana’s compassion for her husband’s fate invoked a passion to care for him. Compassion creates space to suffer along with others, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate that suffering.

With bible translation, compassion means to have mercy, to feel sympathy and to have pity. In his letter to the Ephesians, Paul directs them to “be kind to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

How can we show compassion for others?

First we must see, acknowledge, and feel the suffering of others. As we seek to make the world a better place, we can be motivated to improve the lives of others, to give what is needed, to show humility and the light of humanity. We can speak kindly and softly, advocate on other’s behalf, and offer resources, while showing empathy to their strife.

We were not created to live on an island. We are meant to live in harmony with others. The gift(s) you give to others can never be taken away. It becomes part of your and their history, withstanding all aspects of time. What does it cost you to be kind? If you find yourself in a place of abundance, look to share it with someone less fortunate. It’s really a win-win. Associate with the difficulties of others, honor and respect where they are, and give what you can, whether it be time, service, or money. You can lift up another, and with that true and honest compassion, lift yourself.

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Trusting

Trust:  A firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.

The term ‘trust’ can be used to describe a belief in the truth of an object, for example, “I believe that the rope bridge is safe, therefore I will venture across it.” Yet more often, the term is used in the context of a relationship. To trust in someone is to rely on their integrity and a belief that what they communicate through words and deeds is indeed true.

In the initial stages of a relationship, you don’t really know the person yet, so there could be no trust, or you may trust not so much based on their words or behavior, but rather on your personal bias towards others. For example, if you have not been betrayed in the past, you may be more likely to trust quickly. There are no rules that outline how long it should take to trust. Trusting may be more about the personalities involved than about any allotted timeframe. No matter the circumstance, the trust of others should never be abused or taken for granted.

Trusting in the ways of life is easy when things appear in flow, but to trust when your life is falling apart, that takes a great deal of faith. When life is challenging, and you feel that you have no one to turn to, know that you always have someone in your corner. Someone who will have your back, who will listen with empathy and guide with compassion. Our God is trustworthy and steady. Seek out his wisdom and spend some quiet time listening for his guidance.

The truth is, God is everywhere. He is on the mountain top and he is in the valley. He is in the sunshine and in the rain. He is in the cries of the newborn, and the smiles of the elderly. Know that you are here for a reason and whether you are on the mountain or in the valley, God is with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you. He hears your prayers and understands you heart. Trust in his will for you. Trust in his timing.

As you trust in him, be yourself trustworthy. There is a saying that states, “Trust takes years to build, seconds to break, and forever to repair.” We may not have the ability to control the words and deeds of others, but we can be a person of integrity ourselves. We can be an example of truth to others. We can proclaim our truth and live by it.

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Living Authentically

Authenticity is the degree to which a person’s actions are congruent with their values and desires, despite external pressures to social conformity.

The world may direct you to be someone or something that does not correspond to your true authentic self. When you follow that direction, you are being inauthentic. Learn to quiet the noise of the world; restrain your desire to place value on how the rest of the world is thinking. What is authentic to you is what you feel in the core and depth of your being, in innocence. For the innocent heart is not needy and needs not the approval of others.

Anytime that you see yourself not living authentically, take a deep breath and let your illusions be shattered by becoming transparent and telling the truth. You may feel a sense of isolation in being authentic, yet, you no longer will feel the need to look a certain way, or succeed a certain way so the judgment of the world can nod its head in affirmation. When you do not live in authenticity, you create imprisonment for the soul. Begin the process of discovering what thoughts, beliefs, and values are yours and not merely the influence of others.

Ask yourself:

  • Where am I being inauthentic?
  • Where am I just showing up in a way that others expect me to?
  • Where am I following a certain ideology so that I might feel superior to those that are not?
  • Where am I denying my humanity in order to present a specific image to another?

When we truly step into who we are, living authentically, we cultivate deeper relationships while respecting ourselves and others more fully. We can have the courage to stand tall in our character and surrender to the outcome. As we do so, we create space to relax and expand in our truth. When we trust the journey to authenticity, we are beautifully and wonderfully made anew.