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Confident Joy

What does it mean to be confident?
When you experience confidence, you exhibit and elicit a positive mindset, free from the negative perceptions of worry and doubt. The fundamental essence of confidence is trust. With confidence, you have a firm belief that an event or person can be relied upon and when that person is yourself, it is termed self-confidence.

There is a vast amount of research supporting a relationship between confidence and happiness. For example, a 2014 study of 200 students found that the increase in self-esteem provided enhancement to happiness.
Here are 8  Strategies to help you to build confidence:

  1. TAKE ACTION: Lacking confidence can make you feel stuck, like a poet without a muse. Moving forward with some type of action, even if small in scope, creates a new sense of freedom. Any action will likely expose you to new possibilities and as physics dictates, “an object in motion tends to stay in motion.” The action will be a catalyst for more action, fostering a “snow ball” effect. Making a commitment to move forward is key, so make a list of potential first steps, then choose one and do it.
  2. USE POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS: We tend to think with a negative bias. Another words, unpleasant thoughts, emotions, or social events have a greater effect on one’s psychological state than positive things. This can lead to adverse contemplation and information processing. To counter this effect, we can make a conscious effort to think good thoughts and value what is working in our lives. The use of positive affirmations (statements) are a proven method of self-improvement. Simply state or write the positive affirmation out loud and with conviction, several times a day.
  3. ACT CONFIDENT: Just as smiling can make you feel happy, acting confident can generate the feeling of confidence. You can fake it til you make it. This may require dressing for success and observing your body language. Make a point to maintain a straight, erect posture while maintaining good eye contact with others. Consider the traits of someone you deem confident and adopt them. 
  4. JOURNAL FORMER SUCCESSES: The act of laying down one’s thoughts to paper is an ancient tradition dating back hundreds of years. Writing can eradicate those blockages of the mind while providing a more positive understanding of ourselves and the world around us. Procure a notepad or booklet that speaks to you, perhaps with a special design. Choose a comfortable location that is peaceful and private. Begin a list accomplishments and positive outcomes from the past, then make a point to review the list every day.
  5. VISUALIZE: As previously stated, the human brain can lack the ability to differentiate between what is real and what is imagined. Seeing is believing and believing is seeing. Creative visualization is a process that can rapidly accelerate any achievement and take our potential to a whole new level. Take the time to imagine an optimum scenario and let it play out in your mind bringing you a sense of clarity and purpose. Practice your “dress rehearsal” several times a day and allow the affiliated emotions to flow.
  6. HIRE A PERSONAL (LIFE) COACH: A personal coach will be an advocate and will focus on strengthening the personal perspective. A coach can help to “raise the bar,” enabling the client to increase expectations of themselves and the situations they encounter. A coach will fortify a client’s foundation, providing a revised sense of focus and understanding. With the advent of the internet, coaching can be done remotely. Consider doing a bit of research and making contact with a reputable, certified coach.
  7. LOSE THE FEAR TO FAIL: Fear of failure is a powerful emotion that can stop you in your tracks.  But what if we look at it differently? What if failing was simply a powerful catalyst for change? If we can reframe failure as the opportunity to learn and grow, we can view life as an adventure in contrast, accepting what is. Losing attachment with an outcome and trusting the flow of life, enhances our ability to feel good about ourselves and our world.
  8. VALUE SELF: Self-love and self-care are not egocentric, narcissistic, arrogant, or conceited. Love of self is not just a feeling but an action. It requires a kindness and nurturing of body, mind, and soul. Think of someone that you truly adore and let the feeling of love permeate you. Now take that blissful feeling and turn it towards yourself.

Confidence isn’t easily achieved overnight. Confidence can ebb and flow with the tides of life. It can take years and even decades to develop. You can be on top of the world until a situation or person sucks the life right out of you. It is similar to trust in that both beliefs are aligned with firm foundations in the traits of ability, reliability and strength. Confidence in someone or something familiar may be based on similar past events. For example, if a friend has enacted a betrayal of any sort, the natural human instinct is to mistrust that person or lack confidence that they have the ability to provide for your safety. In the latter case, confidence or trust in that person must be rebuilt. And although promises are nice, a new pledge of allegiance may not suffice. The proof is in the pudding. After a betrayal, consistent action is required, along with accountability, honesty, and a compassion for forgiveness.

Yet, confidence in a new situation or person may be more ingrained in the personality, likely learned in childhood. There are a variety of childhood experiences that may contribute to a child’s mistrust and lack of confidence. These absorbed core beliefs learned in childhood can be easily be carried into adulthood. Any painful past event, even just one, can leave scars that cause a person to build walls around their heart for a lifetime, to protect themselves from future pain. This makes it difficult to trust, to have confidence.

The good news is that confidence for yourself, another, or a situation can be healed and rebuilt. The key to confidence is always trusting that you have your back. Whatever situation occurs, you have the ability to not only adapt, but to thrive. Using strategies outlined here, we can have hope in a future for ourselves that is free of doubt and worry.

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What Is Love?

Do you recall the first time that you fell in love? How did it feel? Were you walking on clouds? The experience of falling in love can bring about a mixture of many emotions. You may have felt:

Butterflies dancing in your tummy

Anxiousness at seeing them again

A yearning to plan a future with them.

So is love a feeling, or is it a choice? If a choice, does choosing to love require action? Is love an action verb? Perhaps you’ve heard the phrase, “love is not enough.” How can love not be enough?

To love and be loved is precious, but if we do not show love, is it still love?

I heard a story recently, told by a man, we’ll call him Joe, who felt called to visit a guitar store while returning to his hotel room, after picking up some food. He didn’t need a guitar, yet he felt called to make the stop. Upon arrival he found a kid jamming on an electric guitar. Joe reached out to the boy and started a conversation with him. The kid opened up to Joe. He told him about his drug addiction and how his father had recently committed suicide. Joe displayed so much love for him that the kid wants him to meet his girlfriend and daughter who are shopping next door. They walk next door and Joe prays with the family, then he blesses them by paying for all the items purchased. They are blown away by Joe’s act of compassion. It was such a blessing to them and there seemed no strings attached. The family thought there surely must be a catch.

As they depart, the kid returns to the guitar store to play yet another guitar. It seemed a coping mechanism. Joe then learns from the family that this kid has not talked to any man since his father took his own life. And a year prior, the kid had sold his guitar to bail himself out of jail, due to a drug violation. The kid had stopped using drugs at that point, but now, no longer had an instrument to play. Joe was so moved by what he heard, that he then went back into the guitar store and bought the kid a guitar, replacing what was lost. There was no judgment, no negative opinion, and he didn’t simply hand him cash, he showed him love. Had this family ever felt such love?

In our society we tend to identify ourselves by what we do for a living.  Joe identifies himself as “a guy that loves people.” We should all aspire to such selfless action. What would our world be like with more Joes in it?  I encourage you, as you move through your day, to not just feel love for others, but to BE love. Perhaps we should not focus so much on our standard of living, but more on our standard of giving.

If you are old enough to remember Mister Rogers, you may recall this quote, “There are three ways to ultimate success: The first way is to be kind. The second way is to be kind. The third way is to be kind.“

Genuine love should not be based on words alone or false deeds, but grounded on authentic actions. Love doesn’t just trust or hope, but it completes specific acts for the purpose of accomplishing those things for which that are trusted and hoped.

“Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.” – 1 John 3:18-19

I would encourage you to look for ways to give the gift of love to someone over the coming week. Look for opportunities to give to someone in need.  It doesn’t have to be monetary. It could be a simple service. Here are some ideas:

  • Open/hold the door for someone
  • Be gracious: say thank you, look people in the eye, be sincere
  • Make something and give it away
  • To those that want to be seen, SEE THEM.
  • To those that want to be heard, HEAR THEM.
  • Run an errand for the elderly.

To make a difference in someone’s life, you don’t have to be brilliant, rich, beautiful, or perfect. You just have to care. Surely we are capable of that. Happiness can be found when we take the opportunity to bless others.

 If you feel troubled, instead of getting MAD about an event or circumstance, go MAD. Make A Difference for someone else. You will be amazed at how it makes you feel. We can serve others, not out of ego, but out of getting in touch with our true nature, which is love. You were made to love. Not only are you love, you are loved, loving, and lovable … always.

The giver is bigger than the receiver. If you want to be large, larger than life, learn to Give. Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get – only with what you are expecting to give – which is everything.

The importance of giving, blessing others can never be over emphasized because there’s always joy in giving. Learn to make someone happy by acts of giving.”

~ Katharine Hepburn

(from Everything Good in the World)

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WHERE HAS LOVE GONE?

There is a saying that Love heals all wounds, but if Love has disappeared out of the hearts of many, how can there be healing? And then that begs the question if Love is gone from many hearts, what has taken its place? The answer, for a number of people, is hatred and malice. Thankfully, we don’t have to continue along this ill-gotten path.

We can start the change within ourselves. We can show Love to those that do not seem to want it or want to return it. If enough people begin to Love the unloved or the unloveable (as deemed by society), change can occur. You just need to ask yourself, am I willing to take a leap of Faith and be the first one? Will I use the strength that I’ve been given to withstand the attacks from those that wish to see True Love wiped from this earth?

Those that have Love in their hearts, need to be the ones that step forward, while others step back. We need to stand in the gap for those that are not strong enough yet or who have not seen the True definition of Love in their life. Many have only seen a world view of love, which boils down to being nothing more than lust or a box full of scars.

Let us wake up the Love that dwells within each and every one of us and watch the miracles begin to multiply exponentially.