Confident Joy

What does it mean to be confident?
When you experience confidence, you exhibit and elicit a positive mindset, free from the negative perceptions of worry and doubt. The fundamental essence of confidence is trust. With confidence, you have a firm belief that an event or person can be relied upon and when that person is yourself, it is termed self-confidence.

There is a vast amount of research supporting a relationship between confidence and happiness. For example, a 2014 study of 200 students found that the increase in self-esteem provided enhancement to happiness.
Here are 8  Strategies to help you to build confidence:

  1. TAKE ACTION: Lacking confidence can make you feel stuck, like a poet without a muse. Moving forward with some type of action, even if small in scope, creates a new sense of freedom. Any action will likely expose you to new possibilities and as physics dictates, “an object in motion tends to stay in motion.” The action will be a catalyst for more action, fostering a “snow ball” effect. Making a commitment to move forward is key, so make a list of potential first steps, then choose one and do it.
  2. USE POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS: We tend to think with a negative bias. Another words, unpleasant thoughts, emotions, or social events have a greater effect on one’s psychological state than positive things. This can lead to adverse contemplation and information processing. To counter this effect, we can make a conscious effort to think good thoughts and value what is working in our lives. The use of positive affirmations (statements) are a proven method of self-improvement. Simply state or write the positive affirmation out loud and with conviction, several times a day.
  3. ACT CONFIDENT: Just as smiling can make you feel happy, acting confident can generate the feeling of confidence. You can fake it til you make it. This may require dressing for success and observing your body language. Make a point to maintain a straight, erect posture while maintaining good eye contact with others. Consider the traits of someone you deem confident and adopt them. 
  4. JOURNAL FORMER SUCCESSES: The act of laying down one’s thoughts to paper is an ancient tradition dating back hundreds of years. Writing can eradicate those blockages of the mind while providing a more positive understanding of ourselves and the world around us. Procure a notepad or booklet that speaks to you, perhaps with a special design. Choose a comfortable location that is peaceful and private. Begin a list accomplishments and positive outcomes from the past, then make a point to review the list every day.
  5. VISUALIZE: As previously stated, the human brain can lack the ability to differentiate between what is real and what is imagined. Seeing is believing and believing is seeing. Creative visualization is a process that can rapidly accelerate any achievement and take our potential to a whole new level. Take the time to imagine an optimum scenario and let it play out in your mind bringing you a sense of clarity and purpose. Practice your “dress rehearsal” several times a day and allow the affiliated emotions to flow.
  6. HIRE A PERSONAL (LIFE) COACH: A personal coach will be an advocate and will focus on strengthening the personal perspective. A coach can help to “raise the bar,” enabling the client to increase expectations of themselves and the situations they encounter. A coach will fortify a client’s foundation, providing a revised sense of focus and understanding. With the advent of the internet, coaching can be done remotely. Consider doing a bit of research and making contact with a reputable, certified coach.
  7. LOSE THE FEAR TO FAIL: Fear of failure is a powerful emotion that can stop you in your tracks.  But what if we look at it differently? What if failing was simply a powerful catalyst for change? If we can reframe failure as the opportunity to learn and grow, we can view life as an adventure in contrast, accepting what is. Losing attachment with an outcome and trusting the flow of life, enhances our ability to feel good about ourselves and our world.
  8. VALUE SELF: Self-love and self-care are not egocentric, narcissistic, arrogant, or conceited. Love of self is not just a feeling but an action. It requires a kindness and nurturing of body, mind, and soul. Think of someone that you truly adore and let the feeling of love permeate you. Now take that blissful feeling and turn it towards yourself.

Confidence isn’t easily achieved overnight. Confidence can ebb and flow with the tides of life. It can take years and even decades to develop. You can be on top of the world until a situation or person sucks the life right out of you. It is similar to trust in that both beliefs are aligned with firm foundations in the traits of ability, reliability and strength. Confidence in someone or something familiar may be based on similar past events. For example, if a friend has enacted a betrayal of any sort, the natural human instinct is to mistrust that person or lack confidence that they have the ability to provide for your safety. In the latter case, confidence or trust in that person must be rebuilt. And although promises are nice, a new pledge of allegiance may not suffice. The proof is in the pudding. After a betrayal, consistent action is required, along with accountability, honesty, and a compassion for forgiveness.

Yet, confidence in a new situation or person may be more ingrained in the personality, likely learned in childhood. There are a variety of childhood experiences that may contribute to a child’s mistrust and lack of confidence. These absorbed core beliefs learned in childhood can be easily be carried into adulthood. Any painful past event, even just one, can leave scars that cause a person to build walls around their heart for a lifetime, to protect themselves from future pain. This makes it difficult to trust, to have confidence.

The good news is that confidence for yourself, another, or a situation can be healed and rebuilt. The key to confidence is always trusting that you have your back. Whatever situation occurs, you have the ability to not only adapt, but to thrive. Using strategies outlined here, we can have hope in a future for ourselves that is free of doubt and worry.

Expoloring Your Life’s Purpose

Have you struggled to find your life purpose, why you are here? The idea that life has personally purpose is not dedicated to only a chosen few and it does not necessarily equate with your daily job. Everyone is special in some way or many ways, everyone has merit, and everyone has purpose – yes even and especially you. In the words of a dear friend, “the beautiful light inside of you is meant to be a beacon of hope to others. You are here for a very important reason.”

A study conducted among adults over the age of 50 living in the UK found that the factor most closely tied to authentic happiness is a person’s belief that their life has purpose. Living a life of purpose provides fundamental life presence and authenticity which leads to less anxiety about the direction of life. That feeling that your life has purpose has the ability to provide resilience and the motivation to move forward, because it’s a calling. Who can resist a calling?

Your life purpose may be simple or complex. It can be specific or broad. There are those that believe purpose is related passion, that thing that moves your heart strings. Here is an exercise that you might find helpful to determine your life purpose. The more open you are to this process, the more successful you will be at getting a result and the less time it will take to achieve that result. Pray for guidance before you begin.

Finding your life purpose in 20 minutes:

  1. Find a blank sheet of paper or open an electronic document where you can type.
  2. Write at the top: What is my true purpose in life?
  3. Then write an answer, any answer that pops into your head. It doesn’t even have to be a complete sentence, just write something. A short phrase is fine.
  4. Now simply continue repeating step 3, writing more things, until what you write makes you cry. It could take many pages to get there, yet continue to this end.

The idea is that when you are overcome with emotion, with passion, you’ve found it. To some people this exercise will make sense, to others it may appear trivial. Sometimes it’s best not to analyze too much and just go for it. If you persist, you will find an answer that moves your heart. As you progress, some answers may be similar seem repeated. That’s fine. After 50 or 100 answers, you may get distracted, want to give up, or may even get aggravated. Push past these feeling and continue on. You may feel emotion about certain answers, yet they may not bring tears. Keep track of those. Put a star by them because they may be a link to the final answer. Try to do this exercise alone and in a quiet environment. If you find that your mind is not in the right place to begin, put the paper away for a later time when your heart is open it.

A potential final answer might be, “to live consciously and courageously a life of compassion to awaken a great spirit within others, to leave the world a better place.” This could be considered a broad purpose. How might someone make this happen?

After about 20 minutes, this is what I arrived at: “to live authentically, capturing the essence and beauty of life, spreading the loveliest parts of it to those I encounter, thereby bringing to them peace, love, and understanding.” Sounds good right? I arrived at what seems a beautiful life mission, but even so, there were no tears. Is this my life purpose or what I want to be my life purpose?

The epiphany came a few weeks later when a major breakthrough occurred. As I sat with my coffee early one morning, I opened my laptop and read the introduction to a book I was writing. Upon reading the last sentence, not only were there tears, it made me sob. That was it. My purpose is to write for you. The exercise opened the door to the awakening. Thank you for taking part in my passion and life purpose. Now it’s your turn to give it a try, to explore your life purpose.

“If you can’t figure out your purpose, figure out your passion. For your passion will lead you right into your purpose.” ~Bishop T.D. Jakes

Thought Awareness

Your thinking and how you analyze the world around you has evolved, mostly unconsciously, over your lifetime. Your training and experiences have shaped your worldview and because no two people experience the same life, how you think is distinct to you. This is a good reason not to be judgmental of others; you have not lived the same experiences as they have. Their belief system, and yours, will be unique to personal experience.

The average person has up to 60,000 thoughts per day and according to research conducted by the National Science Foundation, 80% of those thoughts could be negative and 95% repetitive. Most people don’t monitor their thoughts in an effort to improved them. If we are not diligent with our thinking, thoughts can easily run amuck, especially when they are habitual. It’s hard to stop a snowball rolling downhill and when you continue to think those habitually negative thoughts long enough, they become a belief.

In order to break the cycle of the negative monkey mind, you must be diligent with identifying those thoughts. You need to basically stalk yourself. Pay attention to the thoughts you think and begin to question the origin, i.e., “where did that thought come from?” Ask yourself if your beliefs are justified and valid. Keep a journal. I have a friend whose father has always been very consistent about telling her how stupid she is. As she began to accept it, the thought became part of her subconscious mind. It soon grew to become a belief, a very harmful belief that is absolutely not true. So every time she tells herself how stupid she is, she needs to correct herself saying something like, “that untrue thought came from my dad. I am smart about many things.” So keep in mind that the negative thoughts you think might not have originated from you but from someone else that has influenced you, and the sooner that you replace those thoughts with a positive thought, the better.

Although thoughts, as well as the stalking of thoughts, can be painful. The practice can teach you a great many things about yourself and those around you. Growth requires self-examination. “Even though you may not actually like the feelings of inner disturbance that may come from asking key questions, you must be able to sit quietly with yourself and face them if you want to see where they come from. Once you can face your disturbances, you will realize that there may be a layer of pain seated deep in the core of your heart. This pain is so uncomfortable, so challenging, and so destructive to the individual self, that your entire life has been spent trying to avoid it. Your entire personality is built upon ways of being, thinking, acting, and believing that were developed to avoid pain. Real growth takes place when you finally decide to deal with the pain.” From The Tethered Soul by Michael A. Singer.

Exercise: Bounce technique

When experiencing a negative thought, bounce it away with a positive thought instead. Simply replace the thought with a better feeling thought. Draw a line down the center of a tablet or piece of paper, creating two columns. When you catch yourself having a negative thought, write it in the left column. Then draw an arrow leading to the right column and re-write the statement in a positive version. This will assist you in shifting your thoughts. Whenever you catch yourself in the left column, replace the thought with the right column. For example:

Words are a byproduct of our thoughts, and words, in themselves, hold a great deal of power. Pay attention to the words you use and how you use them. Never allow yourself to speak unkindly to yourself or about yourself. You may think Self-deprecation to be funny, but is it really? In reality, it’s a way of reprimanding yourself by belittling, undervaluing, or disparaging your identity. Doing so does not honor you. As they say, to thine own self be true. There is nothing in this world that can trouble you as much as your own thoughts. To be in joy, you need to accept yourself in a loving manner. Choose your words carefully and not just when speaking about yourself, but also when speaking about others. It could be said that we receive in return that which we choose to put out into the world, so choose your words and thoughts wisely.

Even so, the seas of life will surely rock your boat at times, but you can choose your response to the storms. You are not the bad feelings nor thoughts that you get in your head. You are not the storms you walk through. You are the person experiencing the storm. The storm may knock you off your feet, but you are strong. You will rise again. Either the weather will change, you will find shelter, or you will look the storm in the eye with resilience and fortitude, because you know that storm cannot hold you back indefinitely. When you can keep a healthy perspective, your wrath exceeds that of any storm, so be mindful of your thoughts and choose wisely.

“No thought lives in your head rent-free. Each thought you have will either be an investment or a cost.” ~ T. Harv Eker

The Joy of Laughter

Let’s face it, life has its ups and downs. There are times when you may not feel like smiling, let alone laughing. But if you abstain, the joke is on you. Laughter is shown to be so healthy that it should be added to your wellness regiment.  There are many reasons to laugh at the world around you. Research shows positive mood to be closely tied to spontaneous laughter. As a medicine, it is usually free and without negative side effects. Those that laugh easily will experience more joy. Here are six motivators to encourage you to laugh at yourself, others, and the goofy things you experience.

  1.  MITIGATES AGING: Researchers at Loma Linda University have discovered that laughter or even the anticipation of a good laugh, will produce an increase (as much as 87%) in the level of a specific anti-aging hormone called HGH. Human growth hormone, produced by the pituitary gland, stimulates growth in childhood, but as we age, the released amount tends to decrease. “You don’t stop laughing because you grow older, you grow older because you stop laughing.” ~Maurice Chevalier
  2. IMPROVES HEART HEALTH: Laugher oxygenates the blood and stimulates its circulation. In addition, it has been indicated through research from the University of Maryland Medical Center that laughter causes the tissue that lines the blood vessels to expand, allowing for improvement in blood flow. Interestingly, persons with heart disease were found to laugh 40% less often than those without heart disease.
  3. SPURS THE IMMUNE SYSTEM: Laughter creates a double whammy here. Not only does laughter reduce stress hormones, but it assists the immune system to function at higher efficiency. Laughter helps immune system components like natural killer cells, B cells, T cells, and lymphocytes.
  4. IT’S EYE-CATCHING: If a smile makes you more attractive, what might a good laugh do for you? Research actually shows that by laughing, you will increase your attractiveness as viewed by others. When you are laughing, you appear comfortable with your surroundings, leading others to also feel safe.
  5. FOR THE HEALTH OF IT: Laughter truly may be the best medicine. According to Mayo Clinic, laughter actually produces physical changes in the body. It is very helpful for pain management, enhances digestion, relaxes tight muscles, stimulates many organs and releases endorphins, the feel good hormone in the brain.  Laughter has even been found to increase longevity or lifespan by 7.8 years on average. “Laughter opens the lungs, and opening the lungs ventilates the spirit.” ~unknown
  6. IMPROVES RELATIONSHIPS: Although you can laugh at yourself, laughter is usually shared with at least one other person and shared laughter contributes to bonding with others. In fact, we are 30 times more likely to laugh when we are with someone else. In general, couples who laugh more together tend to have higher-quality relationships. It is considered a supportive activity. “Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.” ~Victor Borge

It is said that adults laugh up to 15 times per day, however, children laugh up to 400 times per day. What a shame to lose the playfulness of childhood as we age. Let’s take some time to be playful, to remember our childhood days of splendor, when there was exciting new things to learn and when the concerns of tomorrow are left to be discovered. Reminisce and revisit what it’s like to experience the joys of childhood, visualize those playful happenings.

Laughter is also a social sign of affection and affiliation. By sharing life events through laughter, we seek to find greater meaning in ourselves and others. We can enhance current relationships and make new ones. And when it comes to stressful situations, a solution via laughter, can change everything, promoting immediate feelings of well-being. The art of laughter requires no pre-requisites nor fancy credentials. It’s simply about living in the moment and enjoying the people and places that you frequent. It’s about enjoying the life you live no matter the circumstance. So, ..when was the last time that you had a good laugh?

“Your body cannot heal without play. Your mind cannot heal without laughter. Your soul cannot heal without joy.” ~Catherine Rippenger Fenwick

Embrace Gratitude

Embrace an attitude of Gratitude (Gratitude = Joy = More Gratitude).

Perhaps you’ve heard the famous Aesop’s tale, “Androcles and the Lion.” Androcles was a man who after escaping enslavement, stumbles upon a lion in the forest. With a thorn stuck in his paw, Androcles discovers the lion to be in great pain, so he removes it for him. Later, both he and the Lion are captured and Androcles is sentenced to be thrown into the lion’s den. Even though the lion was ravenous, he merely licked his friend’s hand in greeting. The emperor was so astonished by the action, he set them both free. Not only is gratitude high on the emotional scale, it seems it has the power to launch miracles

 According to Zig Ziglar, gratitude is the healthiest of all human emotions.  It’s simply impossible to have a negative thought while in gratitude. When you commit to appreciation, your life becomes richer and more satisfying. We can focus on the benefits of receiving gratitude from others, and/or we can focus on the significance of cultivating gratitude ourselves. Gratitude has the ability to increase our joy by pushing away those negative thoughts that can derail us.

Researchers have found that gratitude actually changes the neural structures of the brain, providing positive feelings of happiness and contentment. Oprah may have said it best when she said, “Be thankful for what you have, you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never ever have enough.

George Mason University’s Center for Advancement of Well-Being looked at joy over a period of time and found that gratitude predicted increased future joy. Somewhat surprisingly, joy also predicted increases in gratitude over time, suggesting an intriguing upward spiral between gratitude and joy. In other words, it looks like gratitude increases joy, but in turn joy also increases gratitude; and this “cycle of goodness” might be important to our happiness. Joy also predicted increases in happiness over time, supporting the idea that joy is important to subjective well-being.

According to Positive Psychology, the benefits of gratitude are endless. They encompass a 3-legged stool, so to speak. The psychological leg of gratitude includes positive emotions and thought, the physical leg provides a stronger immune system, better sleep, less pain, and optimum blood pressure. The Social leg of benefits include stronger interpersonal relationships, better communication, and increased likeability.

Gratitude can be easily practiced and can take on many forms including:

  • A Written note to another
  • A Vocal Expression to another
  •  A Prayer of thanksgiving
  • An Expression to self (thoughts & written word (journaling)) Those that keep a gratitude journal, experience deeper, more meaningful lives. Can you set time aside each day?

One of the best times to practice gratitude is as soon as you wake from sleep. True love might just be the first thought you have in the morning, and the last thought you have before bed. In the first few minutes of the day, for example, the mind is very receptive to influence, with the least amount of resistance. So before you jump out of bed, consider a gratitude rant, either silent or aloud. Simply be mindful of the wonderful things and people in your life and savor the sweetness of as many things as you can muster. In doing so, you can yearn to experience the positive feelings that make you smile and expand the heart. Just a few minutes of thankful thinking can improve your mood for the entire day.

Other ways to embrace an attitude of gratitude include:

  • Showing more enthusiasm when communicating
  • Noticing the beauty in nature
  • Smiling often
  • Volunteering your time/skills
  • Leave someone a larger tip than usual
  • Making a gratitude collage of pictures

And just as we can be thankful for the ease of life, we can also be thankful for adversity, whether it is self-induced or dropped in our lap. Adversity can enlarge our world view and pull us into unknown territory. It’s much more difficult to learn, grow, and expand when we stay enchanted within our comfort zone. Challenges provide enormous opportunity for resilience, improved self-esteem, and fortitude. We don’t just go through the obstacles; we grow through them.

Although life can surely throw us a curve ball when we least expect it, shifting to a spirit of gratitude aligns us with the positive energy needed to bear any burden and persevere through any storm. Happiness and gratitude are closely linked. No matter where you might be on the emotional scale, gratitude will move you upwards towards joy and happiness.  Perhaps it’s not happiness that brings us gratitude, but rather, gratitude that brings us happiness.

Choose Joy

There once was a man who decided to take a sabbatical to a remote monastery. It was in a beautiful location, perched on a mountaintop, near the Alps. One fine day when the weather was pleasantly warm, he ventured out alone. Upon finding the perfect, scenic location, he laid down a blanket, settled in, and began his daily meditation. After a bit of time, he opened his eyes to see that a monk was traveling nearby on foot. In a gesture of good will, the monk wandered over to say hello. The monk was curious about the guest. Taking a seat beside him, they began to discuss their travels and what had brought each of them to this particular destination.  Then, after a few moments of silence, the monk, searching for more answers, asked the question, “Tell me, what is it that you wish for?”

Taking in a deep breath, the man surveyed his surroundings, contemplating an answer. The monk, patient as he was, asked again, “What is it that your heart longs for?” After a brief pause, the man provided the monk with a list of things that he thought, once achieved, would make him happy. He voiced each one with articulation and emotion. He felt in his heart that if he could just get all of the things on the list and be successful financially, then he would find joy. The list included material things, the repair of a tattered relationship, and a new job. The monk could see how the man was looking for things or people outside of himself to make him happy, not realizing that happiness is ultimately an inside job; it starts within. So after listening  intently, with a bit of pause, the monk asked one additional simple, yet nagging question: “What if you choose joy first?”

In my younger days, I can recall thinking that happiness was somewhere in the distance, somewhere in my future. I thought that someday, something would happen, and happiness would be achieved. Author Gregg Braden calls this type of thinking preoccupation destination addiction. This thought process assumes two things:

  1. That certain events must take place for happiness to be achieved
  2. That the current moment holds no significance

These assumptions couldn’t be further from the truth. In reality, all that matters is now. Do your thoughts partake in time travel? How much time do you spend with thoughts devoted to the past or future?  

Doctors have pondered the connection between our mental and physical health for centuries. Emotions and Health, NIH Medline Plus said in 2008, “Until the 1800s, most believed that emotions were linked to disease and advised patients to visit spas or seaside resorts when they were ill. Gradually emotions lost favor as other causes of illness, such as bacteria or toxins emerged, and new treatments such as antibiotics cured illness after illness.”

What are the implications of mental health on our physical health?

According to Dr. Fabrizio Mancini, “optimists live longer.” He says, “fortunately, many people are asking: Is there a better way to stay healthy? Is there a better way to get healthy? Isn’t there something better out there? The answers are yes, yes, and yes. Once this concept sinks in, you’ll want to make self-healing a continuing operating principle in your life. There are many simple lifestyle options that can help your body self-heal. For example, exercise is self-healing and even a 10-minute walk can make a positive impact on mental and physical health.”

You might consider the following linear process of thinking: Our thinking affects our emotions, our emotions affect many aspects of our life, including our physical and mental health. Your body responds to the way you think, feel, and act. In fact, your body reacts the same to an event as it does to a thought that mimics the event. This is often called the mind-body connection. When you are stressed, anxious, or upset, your body tries to tell you that something isn’t right. For example, high blood pressure or a stomach ache might develop after a particular stressful event. Therefore, if we can keep our thinking in check and in a healthy state, we can experience enormous positive ramifications. In fact, the following physical symptoms may indicate that your emotional health is out of balance:

  • Unexplained fatigue
  • Depression, hopelessness
  • Headaches
  • Changes in blood pressure
  • Trouble fall or staying asleep
  • Stomach issues
  • Changes in heart rate
  • Sexual issues
  • Stiff neck, sore back
  • Excessive sweating
  • Changes in weight

Therefore, addressing our thoughts is our pathway to peace. Joy is possible no matter life’s outward appearance. Your perspective is the key. Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% your response to it. What does Joy look like for you? As you follow along with these blogs, we will address thought patterns and how they affect our capacity to feel joy. We will address the key differences between happiness and joy, and we will provide strategies to not only get you to that feeling of pure joy, but to keep you there, no matter the circumstances happening around you. That is where we find the golden nuggets, that pot of gold under the rainbow. Yet, unfortunately, many people aren’t even looking for the rainbow.

We need not bow down to the negative conditions of the world nor give them our energy; we can rise above these things. There is much good to be found in the storms of life, and as you learn to dance in the rain, every step gets you closer and closer to who you really are, which is joy. To quote Ask and it is Given, “The basis of life is freedom, the result of life is expansion, but the purpose of life is joy.”

Stay tuned and travel with me as we discover what life is really meant to be. Open your heart to your true purpose, to choose joy!

7 days to JOY

Happiness may be based on circumstance, but Joy is a choice. According to Brene Brown, Joy comes to us in ordinary moments. We risk missing out on joy when we get too busy chasing down the extraordinary. It is quite possible to lament on daily drudgery only to envisage joy and happiness as being somewhere in the distant future. Author Greg Braden calls this thought pattern “preoccupation destination addiction.” But if happiness and joy always originate in the future, how will we ever achieve it? With this commentary, you are encouraged to seek out joy every day for a week. In doing so, we can learn to appreciate the small things in life that are all around us and the magic that we are capable of producing for ourselves and the souls we encounter.  A journal will help facilitate this endeavor.

Day 1:
The Smile Project: Choose this project on a day that you plan to be out and about, running errands. You will make an effort on this day, to make eye contact with anyone who comes near to you and when you do, you will greet them with a deep and conscious smile. In doing so, you give them a very special gift, a piece of you.  Giving is a fundamental way of providing joy not just to you, but to the receiver as well. Joy that is shared is joy made double. Open your heart to receive what is mirrored back to you. And take a moment at the end of the day to journal the experience.
Day 2:
Count your blessings: Joy is what happens to us in any and every moment when we allow ourselves to recognize how good things really are. Research has shown tremendous benefits to the practice of gratitude. Daily gratitude results in higher reported levels of alertness, enthusiasm, determination, attentiveness, energy, and sleep quality. What you will do on this day is set the timer on your phone to alert you every hour. At that time, you will take out your journal and write down something that you are grateful for. You may start superficially, but try to dig deep at some point and dig up the gems.
Day 3:
Use Visualization: Perhaps you’ve heard the phrase, “if you can see it, you can be it.” Mental images can be seen as the seed of all ideas, all progress, and all future development. The importance of this tool is understood by anyone successfully applying the Law of Attraction. Studies actually show that our minds/bodies don’t know the difference between visualization and actually having or doing a thing, so it will respond in the same way it would if you were actually experiencing that which you visualize. On this day you will find a quiet place to sit comfortably. You will think of an experience or thing that you wish to achieve. Now play it out in your mind, feeling in your heart all that the achievement provides. Try to elicit as many senses as you can. Enjoy the realization of having this thing or experience and stay in this state of bliss for as long as possible.
Day 4:
Learn / Create: This will be a day of creativity and expansion. Creativity is one of the greatest virtues anyone can be blessed with, yet many of us never allow our true creativity to be expressed. What do you long to do or learn? On this day you will use Youtube.com to search out a video to teach you something new or to do something creative. Perhaps it is dancing (ball room or line dancing), it could be painting, writing, yoga, or anything else you deem appropriate. The key is to open yourself up to new opportunity and experience. Creativity is about living life as a magnificent journey. Embrace your creativity and your ability to learn new things that sound exciting to you.
Day 5:
Clear a space: A crowded closet or overflowing table may seem like a trivial thing, yet an orderly environment can make you feel more in control of your life, affecting your mood. The more things are in order, the more joy you may feel. Today you will choose a drawer, cabinet, area, or closet to attack. You may need to remove everything to begin, then sort out what you need, discarding what you don’t need. It may be helpful to buy instruments or tools to help organize what you choose to put back. For example, I recently organized a drawer in my bathroom vanity. I purchased plastic organizers from the dollar store to allow me to “put things in their place.” Now every time I open that drawer, I feel joy at the tidiness of it.
Day 6:
Watch your thoughts: Today will be a day of introspection. Thoughts matter. Our thoughts are the soil from which springs our words and actions. Using our mind to compare ourselves to others wastes precious energy and depletes our joy. Research shows that it breeds feelings of envy, low self-confidence, and depression while compromising our ability to trust another. Today you will make a point to notice any time that you compare yourself to another. It may be as simple as the comparing your looks and/or clothing while in line at a store.  Comparing yourself to another is a form of judgement, a judgement of yourself. When you catch yourself in action, make a point to replace that thought with a positive affirmation starting with the words “I am…”
Day 7:
Embrace self-care: Caring for self is one of the most essential things you can do and one of the easiest to dismiss. Self-care is important to physical health, yet we should also practice emotional hygiene, taking care of our emotions, thoughts and feelings. If you consistently neglect yourself for the sake of others, contrary to what you might think, there may not be kudos at the pearly gates and you will likely deplete yourself of happiness and joy. What do you need? Today you will choose an emotional need and a physical need that would fall under the genre of self-care. For example, you may know that you need to set boundaries with someone emotionally. Now is the time. On a physical note, you can enjoy a walk in the park, a hot bath, a massage or simply quiet time in a special place. Take the time for self-care. Your health and happiness depend on it. And above all, allow yourself to be loved.

Experiencing joy is our natural state and is available to all of us. It can be experienced when we make a conscious decision every day regarding our focus. The greatest honor that you can give yourself and those you love is to live in joy. Stay close to anything and anyone that makes you feel glad to be alive. Make a conscious choice to focus on joy, since only by being happy can we have the necessary faith, courage, and strength to face our sorrows and overcome them.

What Is Love?

Do you recall the first time that you fell in love? How did it feel? Were you walking on clouds? The experience of falling in love can bring about a mixture of many emotions. You may have felt:

Butterflies dancing in your tummy

Anxiousness at seeing them again

A yearning to plan a future with them.

So is love a feeling, or is it a choice? If a choice, does choosing to love require action? Is love an action verb? Perhaps you’ve heard the phrase, “love is not enough.” How can love not be enough?

To love and be loved is precious, but if we do not show love, is it still love?

I heard a story recently, told by a man, we’ll call him Joe, who felt called to visit a guitar store while returning to his hotel room, after picking up some food. He didn’t need a guitar, yet he felt called to make the stop. Upon arrival he found a kid jamming on an electric guitar. Joe reached out to the boy and started a conversation with him. The kid opened up to Joe. He told him about his drug addiction and how his father had recently committed suicide. Joe displayed so much love for him that the kid wants him to meet his girlfriend and daughter who are shopping next door. They walk next door and Joe prays with the family, then he blesses them by paying for all the items purchased. They are blown away by Joe’s act of compassion. It was such a blessing to them and there seemed no strings attached. The family thought there surely must be a catch.

As they depart, the kid returns to the guitar store to play yet another guitar. It seemed a coping mechanism. Joe then learns from the family that this kid has not talked to any man since his father took his own life. And a year prior, the kid had sold his guitar to bail himself out of jail, due to a drug violation. The kid had stopped using drugs at that point, but now, no longer had an instrument to play. Joe was so moved by what he heard, that he then went back into the guitar store and bought the kid a guitar, replacing what was lost. There was no judgment, no negative opinion, and he didn’t simply hand him cash, he showed him love. Had this family ever felt such love?

In our society we tend to identify ourselves by what we do for a living.  Joe identifies himself as “a guy that loves people.” We should all aspire to such selfless action. What would our world be like with more Joes in it?  I encourage you, as you move through your day, to not just feel love for others, but to BE love. Perhaps we should not focus so much on our standard of living, but more on our standard of giving.

If you are old enough to remember Mister Rogers, you may recall this quote, “There are three ways to ultimate success: The first way is to be kind. The second way is to be kind. The third way is to be kind.

Genuine love should not be based on words alone or false deeds, but grounded on authentic actions. Love doesn’t just trust or hope, but it completes specific acts for the purpose of accomplishing those things for which that are trusted and hoped.

“Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.” – 1 John 3:18-19

I would encourage you to look for ways to give the gift of love to someone over the coming week. Look for opportunities to give to someone in need.  It doesn’t have to be monetary. It could be a simple service. Here are some ideas:

  • Open/hold the door for someone
  • Be gracious: say thank you, look people in the eye, be sincere
  • Make something and give it away
  • To those that want to be seen, SEE THEM.
  • To those that want to be heard, HEAR THEM.
  • Run an errand for the elderly.

To make a difference in someone’s life, you don’t have to be brilliant, rich, beautiful, or perfect. You just have to care. Surely we are capable of that. Happiness can be found when we take the opportunity to bless others.

 If you feel troubled, instead of getting MAD about an event or circumstance, go MAD. Make A Difference for someone else. You will be amazed at how it makes you feel. We can serve others, not out of ego, but out of getting in touch with our true nature, which is love. You were made to love. Not only are you love, you are loved, loving, and lovable … always.

The giver is bigger than the receiver. If you want to be large, larger than life, learn to Give. Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get – only with what you are expecting to give – which is everything.

The importance of giving, blessing others can never be over emphasized because there’s always joy in giving. Learn to make someone happy by acts of giving.”

~ Katharine Hepburn

(from Everything Good in the World)

6 Reasons to laugh, even when you don’t feel like it.

Let’s face it, life has its ups and downs. There are times when you may not feel like smiling, let alone laughing. But if you abstain, the joke is on you. Laughter is shown to be so healthy that it should be added to your wellness regimen.  There are many reasons to laugh at the world around you. Here are six of those motivators to encourage you to laugh at yourself, others, and the goofy things you experience.

  1.  MITIGATES AGING: Researchers at Loma Linda University have discovered that laughter or even the anticipation of a good laugh, will produce an increase (as much as 87%) in the level of a specific anti-aging hormone called HGH. Human growth hormone, produced by the pituitary gland, stimulates growth in childhood, but as we age, the released amount tends to decrease.
  2. IMPROVES HEART HEALTH: Laugher oxygenates the blood and stimulates its circulation. In addition, it has been indicated through research from the University of Maryland Medical Center that laughter causes the tissue that lines the blood vessels to expand, allowing for improvement in blood flow. Interestingly, persons with heart disease were found to laugh 40% less often than those without heart disease.
  3. SPURS THE IMMUNE SYSTEM: Laughter creates a double whammy here. Not only does laughter reduce stress hormones, but it assists the immune system to function at higher efficiency. Laughter helps immune system components like natural killer cells, B cells, T cells, and lymphocytes.
  4. IT’S EYE-CATCHING: If a smile makes you more attractive, what might a good laugh do for you? Research actually shows that by laughing, you will increase your attractiveness as viewed by others. When you are laughing, you appear comfortable with your surroundings, leading others to also feel safe.
  5. FOR THE HEALTH OF IT: Laughter truly may be the best medicine. According to Mayo Clinic, laughter actually produces physical changes in the body. It is very helpful for pain management, enhances digestion, relaxes tight muscles, stimulates many organs and releases endorphins, the feel good hormone in the brain.  Laughter has even been found to increase longevity or lifespan by 7.8 years on average.
  6. IMPROVES RELATIONSHIPS: Although you can laugh at yourself, laughter is usually shared with at least one other person and shared laughter contributes to bonding with others. In fact, we are 30 times more likely to laugh when we are with someone else. In general, couples who laugh more together tend to have higher-quality relationships. It is considered a supportive activity.

Laughter is a social sign of affection and affiliation. By sharing life events through laughter, we seek to find greater meaning in ourselves and others. We can enhance current relationships and make new ones. And when it comes to stressful situations, a solution via laughter, can change everything, promoting immediate feelings of well-being. The art of laughter requires no pre-requisites nor fancy credentials. It’s simply about living in the moment and enjoying the people and places that you frequent. It’s about enjoying the life you live no matter the circumstance. So, ..when was the last time that you had a good laugh?